Why is this happening to me again?

This is torturing me again. Why am I always in a situation where I don't have control over my life when I really want to have control? And yet I keep wanting to trade away my 'apparent freedom' just to keep everything in peace. I feel very tight in my heart. I feel like I don't really know what is happening anymore. I feel myself spiralling down. Down into the eye of a vortex. I don't really see much meaning in this anymore. Mutual anger, hard words, trying to make things seem natural. The tired tone. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT??!!

I cannot stand this anymore. I really cannot. Please don't let me get sucked into the abyss.